A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.

The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body."

The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss," he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is, you've broken your finger."

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in.

After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, "are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal".

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes, so he ask again, "Are you sure these plates are clean"?

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before; those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't ask me about it anymore!"

Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass so he said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV his grandfather shouted, "Cold Water, Go lay down!"

One hundred little bugs in the code
One hundred little bugs.
Fix a bug, link the fix in,
One hundred little bugs in the code.

Eight bytes walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” replied the bytes, “make us a double.”

A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window frames on a 50-storey building.
He was using an electric saw and accidentally cut one of his ears off.
A guy was walking along the street below him so he called out, "Hey, you on the street, can you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and said, "Is this it?"
"No," was the reply from the blonde carpenter.
"Mine had a pencil behind it."

An old lady was driving on Interstate 22.
A police car pulled her over and explained to her that she was going at 22 mph.
She said, ''I know, isn't that the speed limit?
The officer said, ''No, this is Interstate 22''.
The police officer looked in the back seat and there were three children looking quite ill.
He asked her if they need help and she explained, ''No, we just left interstate 119."

A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home, officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar.
She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar.
She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the beginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.
One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She also went out and bought a new convertible.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.
She stopped and called the sheepherder over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.
"Well, thank you," said the herder.
"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"Okay," said the herder.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked the blonde.
"Sure," said the herder.
So the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382."
"Wow," said the amazed herder. "Spot on! Go ahead, pick the sheep you want to take home."
So the blonde chose one and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you."
"What is it?" asked the blonde.
"If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?"