There was a story in the newspaper about a 4ft fortune teller who escaped from jail. The headline was "Small medium at large".

Did you hear about the Mexican fireman who named his kids Jose and Hose B?

Al Gore has finally given up politics and taken up his true calling as a drummer in a band. He's really good. He's come up with some of the most mathematically precise rhythms known to man.

In fact, people have taken to calling them "Al Gore Rhythms".

I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. There was nobody home.

Pessimist: Things are horrible. Everything is falling apart. Things can't get any worse.
Optimist: Yes they can.